Robin Morningwood Adventure: A NSFW Queer Paradise…with Dudes
Why did I play Robin Morningwood Adventure?
Because it had penises in it.
And honestly, do I need any other excuse?
I’m a 36 year old pansexual man who isn’t ashamed to admit that I find men as sexually attractive as women, and I’m also not ashamed to admit that I’m a consumer of pornographic media. Robin Morningwood Adventure looked like a cute, ridiculous, and stupidly horny videogame, and since I’m at a point in life where I have the time and money to build a PC and play games on that PC, I thought it would be fun to indulge in a dumb porn game on Steam. And after 10 hours playing it, I discovered to my surprise that it was as charming as it was horny, and that there was actually a fun videogame to play beneath the seemingly endless mountain of dongs.
Which, on that note, I should probably address all of those wieners before I get deeper into this.
Giggity.
I’m reviewing the pornographic videogame Robin Morningwood Adventure that is definitely NSFW, an acronym which is current internet parlance for “Not Safe for Work.” I’m announcing this upfront so that the reader knows this and doesn’t open this tab at work where they should be finishing their TPS reports and not browsing the web…Randy.
I’m also reviewing a videogame which is, to quote the medieval italian philosopher, poet, political theorist, linguist, and general sad-boi Dante Aligheri, “Like, really gay dude.”
I’m making this statement to make sure my reader, who may possess a homophobic bone in their body (Giggity), or else possesses many homosexual bones in their body (Giggity Giggity) makes sure that they don’t open this article and instead focuses on finishing their TPS reports…Randy.
Now with that said, I should probably explain what the game is and then explain why I decided to play it. And then write an essay about it. And then publish that essay on the internet, where everyone (including Randy) is almost certainly going to read it.
Narratively speaking, the game centers on a protagonist that the player can name at the start. This adventurer, who I named J, has arrived outside the village of Wheelcum after hearing rumors that it is a town composed of only gay men. After a…kinky introduction in a dungeon, the player is given the option to decide what their character’s sexual role is, i.e. will J be a top, bottom, or versatile? I’ll be honest and admit that I chose the option versatile because I suspected that that would probably give me some kind of advantage in the gameplay since it seemed, from the advertisements on Steam, that sex was the primary battle mechanic. Being a pansexual man I figured the philosophy “why not both?” would increase my odds at winning. I recognise giving a character a sexual role for tactical reasons seems a tad mercenary but it’s important to remember that I’m a nerd who spent his youth playing games like Rise of Nations and Stronghold Crusader.
This is to say strategy is everything, even in sex.
Especially in sex.
After J is allowed into the village he’s introduced to a few of the citizens in town who inform you that the city of Wheelcum used to be a lovely place to live, but recent hardships have caused most of the businesses to shut down. The King of Wheelcum has locked himself away in the castle, meanwhile beings known as Shadow Knights roam the land defeating Wheelcum’s citizens with their superior sexual capabilities. From here the player is encouraged to explore, meet the various non-playable characters(npcs) that inhabit the village of Wheelcum, and begin learning the mechanics of quote “fighting” as well as the various mini-games.
Robin Morningwood Adventure is a fantasy-adventure, role-playing, side view, 2D scrolling, life and dating simulator videogame. Though bordering on the classification of “visual novel,” the game has numerous mini-games and side-quests which can allow players a wide variety of “verbs” to choose from. Many of these mini-games and side-quests involve some aspect of puzzle solving or strategy, and this can range from chopping down trees, throwing axes at targets, catching fish, mining for gems,or determining whether or not a Twink orc would prefer nipple play or having his balls cupped.
Yeah.
There’s no point being subtle.
This is a pornographic videogame that knows what it’s trying to do.
And in that endeavor it succeeds.
Robin Morningwood Adventure incorporates sex into just about every component of its game play right down to the mini-games.
For example one of the first villagers the player will meet is Gregor the local woodsman who spends his days chopping trees (which miraculously regrow overnight) and humping every man he can wrap his arms around. His interactions with the player is through a tree-chopping mini-game(say that five times fast) that’s entirely reliant on a keyboard. During the game Gregor will be standing in place and doing that up-and-down motion-non-motion that just every videogame character since the late 90s adopted. The player is given a tree and two arrows on either side of it. Divots in the tree will fall into the allocated space and the player is supposed to either press the left arrow button, the right arrow button, or both when a divet appears on both sides of a tree. As the mini-game progresses the challenge will increase because squirrels will begin to appear sleeping in these divots. Some squirrels are cute and harmless and if players “chop” them three times the mini-game will end in a loss. However some squirrels are purple and look visibly evil, so the player is supposed to chop them as they appear.
This is honestly a pretty fun mini-game, and an excellent way to test player reaction speeds. It’s also a way to get Gregor the hunky power-top woodman to get naked.
While this minigame progresses every victory will fill up a meter on the right-hand side of the screen and Gregor will steadily shed articles of clothing and then become visibly aroused.
The game ends once this meter is full, and the reward for winning the game is gold, wooden logs that can be used for crafting, and an animated sequence of Gregor ejaculating.
Literally every mini-game ends with a villager ejaculating.
Battles will also end this way, though referring to these mini-games as battles is one of the many tongue-in-cheek jokes that litter Robin Morningwood Adventure.
Though which cheek it is is anyone’s guess.
Giggity Giggity.
Get used to these bad jokes, I’m writing about a porn-game for pete’s sake.
Players can complete mini-games to acquire resources to rebuild structures in the city like the library, the bar, the furniture shop, or the pier, but they can also challenge npcs in the game to battles for the purpose of, well, seeing these characters naked.
Battle’s take place in stages with the opponent beginning fully dressed, an empty bar on the right side of the screen, and options for battle on the left-hand side. Players are offered six “strategies” and once they select one they will need to time a button press as their character’s face bobs left and right on a horizontal bar. The challenge here is to make sure J’s face is in the center of the bar to make sure their attack is most effective. However, this is not always going to result in success.
As I noted before, players have to choose their class, or position. NPCs will also have a class, or, position.
You know what, mincing words is stupid.
Sometimes your opponent will be unmoved when J selects the option “show off your ass” and is far more receptive to the move “wink.” Likewise as the battle progresses the opponent may prefer J to suck their nipples rather than dickslap their face. Depending on whether the opponent is a top, bottom, or versatile, certain strategies are going to work better than others. Obviously if J is fighting a Top more active sexual advances are going to have little impact, whereas if J is fighting a bottom being aggressive will quickly lead to victory. This gets complicated when players fight with characters who are Verse, and also some characters like Ghart who is a Top while he’s sober, and then becomes a bottom when he gets drunk.
Battles are as frequent as mini-games, and also give players gold or resources for their success.
But.
Let’s be real.
Players are fighting and playing these mini-games because they are here to see masculine fantasy dudes get erections, have sex, and then have cartoonishly massive orgasms. In fact, battles provide players more than resources because, apart from the visual displays of sex they will also be a way to open up the narrative of Robin Morningwood Adventure which, while they will include cutscenes of graphic sexuality, will also reveal the story of the game which is, shockingly beautiful.
Seriously, I was not expecting any of “the feelz” in this game. And when I started becoming emotionally invested in these horny cartoon fantasy dudes, I realized that I might have finally found the first pornographic videogame that actually has a soul.
The men of Wheelcum are ridiculously horny and constantly boning, but they also find time to actually talk to each other. Occasionally between mini-games or fights the game will interrupt the player to show cutscenes of villagers talking, and while some of these conversations are flirting and foreplay, often players will observe Hanth the blacksmith talking to Horace the innkeeper about how he struggled with his early attraction to men. Likewise when the player starts to play Valdo’s minigame and increase affinity with him he will confess to the player that he was betrothed in his home village to a woman. His attraction to men eventually forced him to abandon his village because he couldn’t confess to his parents how he actually felt emotionally. Even Gregor the woodsman who is by all accounts the most uber-masculine power-top at first affects as a stereotypical horny man (and he is), but after multiple encounters he will confide in J a story about how his father discovered him having sex with a man and the shame that was conveyed by his father.
Just about every character in the game has a comparable story about navigating society’s expectations about being a cisgender man who was supposed to be sexually attracted to women. The city of Wheelcum became for these men more than just an opportunity for guilt-free constant sex. Wheelcum is a bastion of comfort for these men who are trying to make a life that’s emotionally (and sexually) satisfying for them.
Players who actually continue the storyline will over time rebuild the city of Wheelcum, reestablishing venues such as the library, the tavern, the furniture shop, the pier, and vegetable farms to name a few. Every rebuilt structure will also introduce new characters that in turn will provide new minigames, more resources to collect, more stories to learn, and contribute to the overall experience. Rebuilding this town is a narrative structure because it’s entirely founded upon social connections.
It’s almost like the city was really just the friends we met (and blew) along the way.
It’s also a wonderful design structure because while the sex is enjoyable to watch and play, it leads the player to discover new territories, and decide which structures should be rebuilt and when. This gives some building simulation to the game that I’d probably explore in more depth if this was any other game, but ultimately this rebuilding is about introducing new characters to interact with.
And have sex with.
I’ve played a lot of Robin Morningwood Adventure, for obvious reasons, but as I continued playing I discovered that I was actually forming emotional attachments to these characters. They had desires about the way they wanted their life to be, they made jokes with each other about card games, they confessed romantic feelings about other npcs, they told me stories about their youth, and most importantly they confessed their guilt about being gay. I’m a pansexual man who lives in a predominantly conservative region of the world, and while I don’t fear for my life, I do constantly have to navigate how “out” I am able to be.
I know this guilt, and, most importantly, I hate it.
And I’m positive that’s why I’ve played so much Robin Morningwood Adventure.
It gives me a space where I can be as queer as I want and not have to fear the societal consequences.
This game, despite its pornographic veneer, is a dating and life simulator game that gay and queer male players like myself have wanted and needed. There are plenty of games that have included the option of being gay (which I’m glad exist), but queer videogame players like me have been desperate for a story that reflects the ethos that my sexual desire is not a choice. There have been games like Dream Daddy which gave queer players a comparable dating simulation, but Robin Morningwood Adventure takes it a step further by including sex because that is as much an aspect of the life of queer men as the romance itself.
As a genre of art pornography has been consistently underappreciated as a means of expressing realities about the human condition. This is partly because of the cold utilitarian value of it. People use pornographic media the way they eat candy-bars: unwrap it, eat it, and throw it away. This is true in just about any media, and the mountains of pornographic videogames that are available on platforms like Steam attest to the fact that most players are going to approach a porn videogame the same way.
This is why I emphatically say again that Robin Morningwood Adventure is probably the only videogame in this genre I’ve encountered that has a soul, because it’s not just about the penises, it’s about the men attached to them.
Robin Morningwood Adventure is a deceptively ridiculous videogame, but if a player is willing to give it their time they’ll find more than just an empty exercise of gay thirst traps. The game offers a beautiful social dynamic that affords queer players a space where they can indulge in same-sex social interaction that’s as much about interpersonal relationships as it is about sex. The mini-games are fun, the in-game card game is alright, the sex scenes are funny and genuinely erotic, and the underwear collectathon is on-brand for the content. But as a player I found real human souls in the village of Wheelcum, and their desire for sex matched their desire for meaningful social interaction. I saw myself in these men, and I’m not too proud to admit, I envied them their sexual agency.
For the moments I’ve lived in this ridiculous fantasy world, I was unashamedly queer and and happy.
This is to say: I’m glad that I played, and will continue to play, Robin Morningwood Adventure.
Joshua “Jammer” Smith
6.9.2025
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